The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
