chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
