So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
