I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
