you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
