Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
