i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
