Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have tasted many bathrooms
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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