She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
