i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
tell me about the fingering
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
