I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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