dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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