You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
