The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
