Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
