walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
