woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
