PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
