there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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