I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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