weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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