Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
