sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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