I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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