if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
