yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
