You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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