As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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