I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
