Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
