since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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