Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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