Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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