i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
