too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
