this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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