I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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