tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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