I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
