i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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