so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
