you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
