oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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