New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
