btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
