She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
