I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was born a porn star she said
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
