3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
