i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
