You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
