I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The power of my boobs compel you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
