Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
