Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
whose parrot is this?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
