My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
