Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ladies don't puke and tell
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
