and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wish my penis had a tongue
high people should be assigned attendants
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
