Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
