What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
