I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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