I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
