i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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