i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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