i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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