do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
