so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
