Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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