My liver just broke up with me...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
