didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
