she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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