The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
