so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
