would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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