so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
