you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
