Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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