did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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