Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
