I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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