There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
