i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's the barista slut.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
