Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
