Already got asked if we're dating
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize