tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
