I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
