You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
