I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
