All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
