someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
