I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
