in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
