no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
