They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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