Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize