My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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