Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
