Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
