I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
