are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
