even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize