My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
